One Hundred and Twelve

My readers have noticed that I have stopped writing, so to satisfy the masses (HI GREG!!), here is an update. I actually wrote something between my last entry and this one but it still seems so wrong of me to publish it for all to see. It's really more private. I've obviously had an issue lately with being approached by dudes, ironically now that I'm pretty much a taken lady. It will never cease to amaze me how you can be single for freaking ever and nobody pays a lick of notice, and suddenly you have a man to call your own and the clouds open and it starts raining men! Ridiculous. I've adopted a surrogate boyfriend who I am completely honest with about everything, so that he may tell me when I'm being a cow face and making bad decisions (because apparently I am not smart enough to make said decisions without help...). Anyway, the fight I had with B when I told him about these dudes hitting on me has convinced me that so much as raising my eyebrow at another guy is the worst thing I could possibly ever do, and I have far too much at risk right now to be doing something stupid like letting temptations screw me over. Other than that... work is going well. Turkey was good tonight. I move in 112 days... I'm getting nervous but in a good way. I have really nothing else to say, I was just worried about my blog being cancelled.... I'm done :)

One Hundred and Forty Four

...days til I officially leave for my new home :) The flight has been booked, I leave the great white north for the land down-under on February 1st. Now that it's official, I'm officially nervous. All these things to do! People to tell! Things to set up! The important thing is that in less than 5 months, I'll be in a country that I love, with a boy who I love, preparing to start school for a career I will love!!! And... I'll be trying real hard to stop missing all the people I love who aren't coming with me. Ah well , dear friends - if you ever needed an excuse to visit a tropical paradise, here it is!

1 down.
143 to go...

Dear Ditchy Ditchersons....

So I've got one blog written about how amazing friends can be, so I am now going to balance out the scale and write a blog about how disappointing friends can be. I suppose maybe I spoke too soon, of how excited I was to be surrounded by people who loved, supported and befriended me by choice. I think now it was maybe more the case of convenience and location.

Prior to the summer, I saw these people weekly, daily, often because of work schedules which then led to hanging out after hours. Good times were had, connections were established and I felt I was a, dare I say, important person in these individuals' lives. It would then be safe to assume that upon returning from my trip, these people would have made some sort of effort to either attend certain coming home party events, hang out when invited, or *gasp* call and make plans of their own! I have been bailed on in the last three weeks by "a few" certain people, MORE than I think I was ever bailed on by M when we were quasi-dating. Okay, that's a stretch. M ditched me more than I'll ever be ditched by anyone else in my entire life, but this is a close second to that! Not returning phone calls, responding to emails/messages/facebook comments, and almost pissing me off the most - agreeing to make plans and then either not being available when they say they will be, or, confirming plans and texting me 10 minutes before they're to arrive at my house, saying they don't feel like it any more.

It doesn't help that two particular individuals nearly cost me my job when I came home from my trip. They had every ability to clear my name, but were too selfish, and would rather slink back into the shadows to avoid getting caught (which they did anyway, finally), but in the mean time, while I was taking the heat from security people at work, these "friends" did nothing but fuel the fire. Identifying my handwriting (supposedly), and claiming to be "covering for a friend in the store..." What kind of "friend" does that? Anyway... it's a done deal now.

It's not just a specific person or two, I'm realizing that several people I thought were closer to me, really aren't close at all. Whether they were and faded away, or never were but I was blind to it, I don't really know. I just think it's a shame how quickly seemingly tight connections and bonds can deteriorate. It's not that hard. If you want to hang out, hang out. If you want to talk over coffee or the phone, do it! But don't lead your friends on. If you want nothing to do with them, be honest, don't be a jerk. /bitterness

asdfghjkl....

*NOTE*TO*BOYS*

If you at any point feel it necessary to begin a story with "Aw sweetie, I have the most 'hilarious' story for you - and I know YOU won't get mad - YOU'LL think it's funny"..... it is probably not in your best interest to tell the story at all. She will not think it's funny. And she will get mad. She might not tell you, but hoo boy, she'll be mad...

A Wee Note on Current Frustrations

In regards to my epic adventure of applying to a school on the other side of the planet, I am getting very frustrated at how difficult it has been to get in touch with an actual person. I have sent email after email requesting a personal student adviser, a pen pal, a phone meeting, WHATEVER, I don't even care, just *someone* to ask my questions to, to find out if I'm even on the right track to getting my application submitted. Seriously, the documents I have to get from my current university are so ridiculous, I can't imagine I fall into the category of student who needs to obtain them.

However, if I am mistaken, I have to have a meeting with my registrar, discuss my 3 previous years of education with him, show him a notarized copy of my transcript (yes, I have to pay the school to print off a certified copy and then get a notary to sign it... Hi Dad!) and then, once he realizes I can hold my own in a conversation, he gets me to write him a short letter asking him to vouch for my English skills. The registrar THEN has to write a letter to my new school stating that for the past 3 years I have learned all of my subject matter in English, and that I have a solid grasp on the English language, both written and spoken. Following THAT, I *STILL* have to sit an English proficiency exam. Now I can understand if I was born and raised in Japan and knew next to zero English, moving to a 100% English speaking school would be a challenge, and the school would deserve to know that I was coming, and would be enrolling in ESL classes and probably learning slightly slower in my regular program, but I AM AN ENGLISH NERD!!!!! I don't think I should have to do all this crazy stuff!!! My well-written emails, and ridiculously polite phone voice should let the school know that I know how to speak English, write English, learn in English AND be totally conceited about it!!!

I sincerely hope that this is not the case, and I only need to do a few of those things. Either way, it would be SO helpful to know these things NOW, rather than closer to the application deadline, which isn't til January, but obviously I want this all done as soon as possible so maybe I can nurse my sanity for a few months before I leave. And also work my tail off at my (soon to be) 3 jobs to save money and be able to contribute to the "Don't worry Amy, B will support you through everything" fund so I don't feel like a freeloader for a month or so, getting my feet on the ground and getting settled.

I can't believe it's actually happening. I thought to myself yesterday, geez, I've really gotta decide soon whether or not I'm going to school in September so I can save tuition money towards Australia. And then I realized... I just applied for a 3rd job, got re-promoted to full time at my 1st job, and have said openly that I'm available to work/volunteer on my off nights at my 2nd job. I already made the decision and didn't even realize it. I don't have time for school now. I am not going to school in the fall. I am officially going to Australia. Woooot!!!

And as an aside, the Perseid Meteor Shower the other night was awesome. There weren't as many visible meteors as I've seen in past years but the sky was lovely, it wasn't too cold and for the first time in a little while I got to sit back in my chair, alone with the night air and just think. I've been questioning a lot of things lately, between my self, my beliefs, and my morals, and I've realized, I'm pretty confused haha. I think I need to go up the mountain more like I used to, and sit under my tree at my park. I haven't done that all summer and that's ALL I did last summer. It's a nice day today, maybe if it's nice tonight I'll head up and chill on a swing. It's amazing how much clarity exists when you're alone with your thoughts. Peace out.

Everything Happens for a Reason

As a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, I am at a crossroads. Over the last bunch of years people and events have been placed in my life and led me in different directions. When I was 17 a group of guys was suddenly brought into my home, over a hockey game, and by the end of the game I had agreed to attend my first church service. This group of dudes became my church support group, despite the opinions of church members... eugh... When I was 19, I met a girl who I felt a deep connection with and we began a friendship. Ironically enough, we soon discovered that each of our parents' marriages had ended because one parent cheated on the other... with the other friend's parent. My dad. Her mom. The reason for our parents' failed marriages. Somehow we ended up finding comfort in this and while we are not close any more, discovering that the offspring of "he/she who split up my parents" was a likable person made it a bit easier to get over. Everything happens for a reason. Until it doesn't work in your favor.

Since returning home, I've been jet lagged, depressed, heartbroken and yadda, yadda, yadda... B has constantly said that I happened into his life for a reason, and he into mine, and it's worth pursuing. Again, yadda, yadda, yadda. However, I am SO unprepared to do anything about this, I am starting to wonder if this particular "thing" is happening for the reason of a) getting it through my thick skull that this is not meant to work out, of that b) it's a challenge! And I must overcome the challenge to get what I want! To prove that I deserve it!

The goal: I want to apply to Griffith University's Human Services Specializing in Children and Youth program and start with the school year this coming March. This would involve moving to Australia. Flying there. Bringing my stuff. Moving in with B, A and the other A.

The struggles: Where to start. The huge issue is money. I have enough saved to pay for tuition for my 3 year program that I want to apply for. However, I have ZERO money to pay for my flight, rent, groceries, my credit card (racked up from the holiday I just took...) and don't even get me started on Christmas presents! Also, upon closer examination, the program I'm looking at appears to only give me license to practice in Queensland and New South Wales. So what if I want to travel, move to another state of Aus or.... omg! Come back to Canada at some point! There's a problem. Moving on. Just talked to B. A1 is moving out in 3 weeks. A2 is considering moving out with the gf before March. This would mean that B would have to either move home (not the best digs for keeping an international visitor around...especially one of the opposite gender...) or buy himself a new pad. Which really, is putting someone out for just needing a place to store an overseas girlfriend. I don't know if I like being a "special circumstance." I am SO in favor of all this happening, I just don't know how to make it work. I need a better paying job, I need less disgusting spending habits, I need to decide all of this NOW! I am registered for school at UFV in the fall and if this is all going to happen, I am giving up my seats in those 5 classes in lieu of working full time. I'm also considering selling all of my excessive clothes, the stuff I never wear and bought for fun, all my accessories, the treasures I have tucked away in my room because I'm a pack rat... seriously, craigslist here I come.

If everything happens for a reason, why is this huge decision-making part of my life so difficult? Am I supposed to give up? Everything is looking so complicated and scary and hopeless, maybe I should just give in. But I want it SO bad! Am I supposed to do everything in my power to prevail over almost certain failure? If someone was to tell me to give up on B, and that I'd find "the guy of my dreams right here under my nose" I'd probably slap them. I think that means I'm supposed to lean towards the 'fight the almost certain failure and try anyway' side.

This has been my rant.

"Throw a Prawn on the Grill" and Other Aussieisms...

Can it be true? Am I seriously leaving the day after tomorrow? It is true. And it sucks. For the last few weeks I've felt like this new way of life was real and normal, now only to realize that it has been indeed, a vacation, and in 2 days I return to the other side of the world. I'm so full of confused and jumbled thoughts right now. I feel like it's a dream that when I wake up Thursday morning, I'll be waking up in B's bed, him beside me (probably snoring... eugh...), ready for another random day of adventures, or of being lazy. But nope, I'll be in my bed. At my house. In Canada. As far as I could possibly be from the life that for a few short weeks has made so much sense, and would continue to make sense, so long as I could stay a few more weeks. A took me to Griffith today. I got a book of courses and an application. I feel like I'm back at square one as far as this whole education thing goes. What do I do? It would be SUCH a gamble to drop everything at home and move over here to pursue this program (regardless of how awesome it actually looks...) and I can't decide whether or not it's worth it. It's almost as though I am looking for reasons to say no. B snores. He parties a lot. That's... all I can think of right now... Everything else I thought was a negative thing has grown on me and I love all his cute little imperfections. Obviously spending three weeks absolutely together,  24/7 we've had our grumpy spats, but what couple wouldn't, spending that much time together. I just don't know if I could do it. Move here, commit to school, pay the ridiculous $60,000 upfront for the courses... it's just such a huge decision to make, based on a 3 week vacation. I love how I'm here, blogging, when I should be re-packing all my stuff. Like I said, the thoughts are totally jumbled. Hopefully they'll make more sense before the Griffith application deadline... eugh... Peace Out Homies.