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*NOTE*TO*BOYS*

If you at any point feel it necessary to begin a story with "Aw sweetie, I have the most 'hilarious' story for you - and I know YOU won't get mad - YOU'LL think it's funny"..... it is probably not in your best interest to tell the story at all. She will not think it's funny. And she will get mad. She might not tell you, but hoo boy, she'll be mad...