On the positive side...

Tonight I realized how much my friends truly mean to me. In 24 hours, I've gone from feeling alone and scared, to understanding that while I seldom take the time to see it, I have a network of friends who care about me, and sincerely are there for me no matter what. I'm not used to it - it's always been me, standing by people in their time of need, giving advice, assuring them that I care and that I'll do anything to try to help them. But this time it was me in the helpless seat. When 2am last night found me scrolling through my cell phone trying to remember a hugely ridiculous phone number (did you know Australian numbers take 14 button pushes to dial?), I passed by several names which for a moment, I hesitated on, wondering if I should call them for a quick *local* fix of sanity. But no, I kept thinking to myself "it's 2am. nobody wants to hear from me at 2am, no matter how upset I am..." and for that reason (plus obvious others) I called Australia. It was 7pm, no inconvenience to him.

It wasn't until today, after a random goofy phone call from my best friend, an evening of drinks with 3 close girl friends, and an extended parking lot party with one of the three girls in particular, that it finally occurred to me that I DO have people who are here for me. Maybe not to tell me what I should do. Maybe not to tell me how to cope with the things in my life that I in fact have zero control over - but definitely with whom to relate, to talk it out with, to cry with and to lean on while I dish my confusions, worries, fears and overly analytical thoughts. I guess I've become so used to being friends with guys, being the flirty girl of the group forgetting what it's like to be friends with girls. Forgetting how girls help each other deal with each other's problems. Sitting in two lawn chairs under a light at the movie theatre tonight with one of my great girl friends, listening to music and talking about the goings on in our family lives as of late - for once I didn't feel bad about telling someone what was going on; I didn't regret pouring my heart out and crying about things that were hurting me. She told me about her family's dark past, I told her about my family's dark present, and at the end of the conversation we both got this funny look on our faces. She said "it's weird... right now I'd usually be apologizing for dumping all my sad stories on you...." and that was exactly what I was thinking. So often, I'm the one who sits and listens, so when I say something, anything that puts the attention on myself, I *always* apologize afterwards. Whether it's over the phone, in person or even in an email message (all of which I've done today...) I am the first to apologize for venting, dishing or generally complaining that things aren't peachy keen in my neck of the woods.

I think the point of my story is that until now, I don't think I really knew how strong my friendships are with this group of girls. Like I said, maybe it's because with guys, there's no unspoken bond, they have always told me like it is "Amy, you're hot, but I feel cool telling you stuff too. You're actually a pretty rad friend." With girls, it's all unspoken. I feel like a teenage boy, figuring girls out for the first time :P Don't get me wrong, I love my guy friends, I wouldn't trade any of them for anything, but I'm excited about these girls. These 4 amazing girls who I now know I can count on any time, day or night :)

M+J+C+A
I pretty much love you girls like sisters.
And I know I can call on you 24/7.
Plus, it's 4 less numbers to dial, and I don't pay long distance.
Awesome.